I Know Better Now
Yesterday, my brother told me I looked fat and that I looked hideous wearing this outfit:
I really like the feeling of wearing clothes that make me feel like a lady. I tried explaining that to him, but my brother is really blunt when it comes to his opinions. At first, I thought he was teasing, but his comments became increasingly violent. Before, I just keep mum and brush it off, but I knew this time I have to defend myself because I know better. I know that I am a beautiful lady inside and out.
I have always struggled with my weight. I remember being obese in elementary and being bullied and teased for it. I was the laughing-stock, being called names. Although I knew that my group of friends welcomed me, it still stung whenever they called me “Sonny Pig” or made me feel ugly. Honestly, I felt really ugly back then. I disliked myself and became over critical of my appearance. I resorted to compensating for the emptiness within by almost being anorexic. At 12 years old, I stopped eating and lost the weight, but even when I became thinner, I still disliked myself – I still thought I was fat. Eventually, I realized that my thinspirations should stop and I should start embracing my life. For so long, I sought everybody’s approval. I wanted them to see the beauty that’s in me. I guess, it’s true that no matter how much love they give, it will never be enough unless I love myself. It was a long process full of heartbreaks, disappointments and stumbling blocks, but what’s important now is that I have overcome all these obstacles.
It boiled down to accepting and appreciating myself – every bit of myself. When I started accepting myself for who I am – flaws and all, I stopped being over critical. Little by little, I saw the beauty others saw in me. I learned to smile and laugh at my silly looking photos. I have never actually put all these into words, but probably, yesterday was a real turning point. There will be times, I know, that people’s comments will hurt me, but now I am sure, that no matter what they say, I will keep my head held high. After all, I have learned to love and appreciate myself no matter what happens.
My wish is for everybody to realize how beautiful they are inside and out. Don’t let words affect you. Let no one judge you and believe that in my heart, I want you to know better too.
Such a powerful message! We should never allow anyone to attack our self-esteem, to let that negativity in. Good for you! (((Hugs)))
P.S. You look fantastic!
Check out The Art of Giving !