Tag Archives: motherhood

Berlin, Germany

15 Dec

Drawing, not sleeping and worry

Despite my best efforts sleep and get rest, they still seem so hard to achieve.

At night I can’t sleep because I worry about the door locks. I worry about dangerous things around the house that Toddler could kill herself with. I worry about whatever it is I have to achieve the next day. I worry about dying and then I get worked up and think I can outdo anything – if I just stay awake.

I think about Johnny Cash and his lyrics: ‘I felt the power of death over life’ and then I think of my ex boyfriends car, ( and my toe prints on the dashboard ), and I think about how that was another lifetime, when such trivial things mattered and now I have this life that is my responsibility.

And then I feel sad, because there is no one by my side to calm me down. Talk me back to rational. Pat me on the back. You’re doing OK Lily.

toemail, toes, feet, photography, Berlin, Germany

Excellent drawing!

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