Drawing, not sleeping and worry
Despite my best efforts sleep and get rest, they still seem so hard to achieve.
At night I can’t sleep because I worry about the door locks. I worry about dangerous things around the house that Toddler could kill herself with. I worry about whatever it is I have to achieve the next day. I worry about dying and then I get worked up and think I can outdo anything – if I just stay awake.
I think about Johnny Cash and his lyrics: ‘I felt the power of death over life’ and then I think of my ex boyfriends car, ( and my toe prints on the dashboard ), and I think about how that was another lifetime, when such trivial things mattered and now I have this life that is my responsibility.
And then I feel sad, because there is no one by my side to calm me down. Talk me back to rational. Pat me on the back. You’re doing OK Lily.